Denim (denmart) wrote,
Denim
denmart

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Sweet Chronology - (as best as can be reconstructed... will edit as able)

----- Original Message -----
Subject: FW:
Norm,

Thank you - I'm thinking of you too - and that was an incredible entire day yesterday.

I hope you are/do have an excellent time with your daughters today - and I thought of inviting you over later to maybe watch a movie? I would also offer to cook you dinner, but at the moment, my cupboard is totally bare!

Hey, but first, in the interest of honesty, there is something I'd like to tell you - As you know, I have been married three times, and in January I actually ended a 2 year relationship with a man who lives here in Dallas - We didn't live together, nothing like that, but we were "committed" - I am extremely disappointed that it ended, even though it ended at *my* insistence... it's a bit of a story, but he hurt me and let me down...

ANYWAY - Norm - I don't want you to fall in love with me - I just want that to be said up front. I have met several really really nice people, and there are a couple that I date regularly... I know right now that I am not ready to be in a committed relationship again, if *ever* again, quite frankly... I have made a very thoughtful and un-spontaneous decision to be committed to my children, and myself.... and from a few things that you said last night, it seems that that is exactly what you are ready to find in your life... and so I'll understand if you decide you'd rather not see me again, and happy if you decide that it's cool, and appreciate that you are also free to date other people while dating me... see, I don't know you well enough to know how you'll feel... I do know you said that you appreciated my honesty - and here it is again.

I think you know I'm a good person - and when I was married, and also in the other committed relationship, I was completely faithful and gave them my all - no matter why those relationships ended, after 4 serious ones, It's pretty obvious that I can't just blame the other person, right? I am just exhausted by the thought of being consumed in a relationship right now... and the pain of when it eventually ends - but I don't like being alone, either. I don't think it's possible to have too many friends.

Norm, this is suddenly laid on you - I'm sorry - But thought it important to share with you now...

----- Original Message -----
From Denise
To Norm
Sent: Wednesday, March 23, 2005 6:51 AM
Norm,
I got back last night - what a long drive - much longer than the one going down there! My phone battery died, so I missed some calls and messages, I'm sure.
Hey... I made a mistake about something, and I need to tallk to you about it and I don't know how!! You are so sweet, and caring, and I'm afraid you will be angry - or worse: hurt.
I'm not going to be able to see you for a while - OMG, that is so unfair to you... I would like to tell you what happened, but I need to hear how you feel about it before I launch into any explanation that you may or may not want to hear...
Norm, I do believe that people meet for a reason... I think you are wonderful, and I hope like you wouldn't believe that we can remain friends... I have no crystal ball about the future (obviously!)... but I have at least a few weeks where I need you to be my friend rather than boyfriend or lover... if you can. What bothers me most about this is I worry that you will take it much more personally than you should - I have not found you lacking in any way, Norm, and I hope you believe me...
I'm rambling - please email me and tell me if I am free to email you more ?

----- Original Message -----
From: Norm
To: "Denise G"
Sent: Thursday, March 31, 2005 1:00 AM
Subject: Re:
Hi, angel...me again...I didn't mean for that question about your happiness to be a rhetorical question. I'm *very much* interested in your happiness, Denise. Seeing you happy means more to me than you know! You are so sweet and so kind you deserve nothing less. [If you are] happy, then you don't need me being a pest. But if you are not happy with the way things are going, well...I don't think we met out of chance or coincidence, do you? OK, maybe that one is a rhetorical question - lol. But think about it, I don't go to that Observer web site very often (and haven't been on there since I met you), and I don't know how often you were on it but I had not seen you before, so...what are the odds of us meeting each other there? I think something stronger, something deeper than random chance brought us together, and did so for a purpose. Now it's up to us to discover that purpose. Maybe it's to be good friends and nothing more, or maybe it's to be lovers the magnitude of which great plays are written, to be studied and admired down through the ages. Or maybe it was to serve as a catalyst for you and [...] to find that you were meant to be together (which would suck mightily for me but hey, who am I to fuck with the fates, right? - lol). Sadly, it's up to you and to you alone to decide whether or not to discard that latter option.

I know [....] is your friend before anything else, and I do respect you for working so *damn* hard to keep your promise to him, and I'm sympathetic to what you may stand to lose if you decide it's just not working out. There's the paradox - it seems everything you do you do with integrity, with care, with patience, with soul, with love - all of which makes me want you even more at this time when I cannot have you. I wonder if he truly appreciates you for what you're going through. And I do pray that whatever you decide you will very soon find happiness and peace. But remember this: he's the one who sort of forced the "all-or-nothing" terms of the conditions on you - it was not your idea. If it doesn't work, he stands to lose much more than you will. And might you gain more than you lose if you decide to date others, whether it's me or someone else? (rhetorical question again :-)

OK, this turned out longer than I had wanted. Sorry. Told you from day one that I tend to ramble. Hope I haven't overstepped my bounds since, after all, we've only known each other a short while. It just feels like I've known you - and do know you - for much, much longer. Kindred spirits, perhaps. As you might imagine, thoughts of you fill my mind and I have so much I want to say to you that I should not say for now. Let me just say that I care about you, Denise, and want you to be happy. I will try to not be so much of a pest while you sort this out. But *please* do not forget that I am waiting for you, thinking of you, if/when you decide that you do not want a committed relationship with [....] The day you call and say, "Hey, let's meet for margaritas. We've got something to talk about" will be about the happiest day of my life.

Norm


----- Original Message -----
From Norm
To: "Denise G"
Subject: Re:
Date: Wed, 30 Mar 2005 19:34:52 -0600


Thanks for writing back. I understand your reluctance to write more - yeah,
it's painful, I don't like it, but then I don't like being kept away from you
at all! But I do understand that you promised to give [...] a chance, and you
take committment seriously. And so I try to respect that - and wait....

I'm glad that I'm not completely out of your thoughts. If you don't mind my
asking, and you can tell me it's none of my business if you prefer, but are
you happy with the situation now?

Sent: Tuesday, April, 2005
Subject: Re: RE:Thank you -
Norm,
I am destined to be always second guessing my decisions... I don't exectly have a stellar record in the relationship department. Never say never - or forever. Where I am now, where I have been, stability and contentment at times seem even more than I deserve *smile*... looking at what you say, there are MUCH worse things, too...
I am honored that you remembered my birthday Norm... in fact, you honor me in myriad ways, whether you know so or not...
I care a lot about you, and forgive my selfishness in wanting to keep you in my life, even if I can offer nothing more in the forseeable future besides friendship ... <http://www.columbia.edu/~gm84/gibran19.html>.

Subject: RE:Thank you -
You have received a message from a Cingular multimedia phone.
Message
Well, can't say i'm surprised, just disappointed that we didn't get more of a chance. You use words like contented and stability - don't remember you saying the word happy or excited. You deserve more than that! And i don't expect to ever find anyone as beautiful, sweet, sexy as you, denise. But if that is the way you want it, i'll respect your decision. Of course we can be friends - how often does one get to meet an angel?! Btw, i have a birthday present for you - something i made while you were in sa helping with zeke's birth. I'll email you later to see about getting it to you. You have my sincere best wishes, denise. But please - for your own sake - please don't just "settle" - you are too hot, too much of a woman, too alive to settle for only contentedness. And i will miss your kisses forever. Love, norm

----- Original Message -----
From: "Denise Gardner"
To: Norm
Subject: Thank you...
The flowers are lovely, and quite a surprise... really!
Norm, you are so sweet and thoughtful in so many ways, and deserve a good woman - NOW. Unfortunately, things don't always work out as planned, or even as desired, and I believe that that is the case with you and I...
Chance let us meet, and even more so, spend a greater amount of time together than ordinarily would have occurred in my life with my schedule - It was very nice, magical even... you know that. But, I am not perfect, and thought that I could do the "dating" game - alas, I could not, cannot... I am content with [life] on many different levels, and there is much to be said for the feeling of calm and stability that comes from being with just one person, despite what I thought I wanted. Do you understand?
I do not believe that there is only one person in the world for each of us... I think much has to do with chance... you know my history ... I would also like to stay in touch with you, but not just for purposes of keeping you as a "second" - I would never intentionally do anything like that.... I know you would never be satisfied with that position, either - and nor should you be. You deserve so much better, and I believe you will find it. You found me, didn't you? *wink*... don't think that there aren't many other wonderful, lovely and loving ladies waiting for you to find them... Oh, lucky girls!
Norm, your patience, gentleness, generosity and sexiness are very much in demand... for what ever reason you weren't very active on the dating site, I say give it another try (she says with a twinge) - you deserve so much.
May I stay in touch with you - may we be friends, Norm? I'm sorry If you are hurt - I never ever meant to hurt anybody, ever, by my actions. It makes me so sad to think that I might have caused you a pain, because you are one of the sweetest souls I ever met... and I hope a friend for life.
Love,
Denise

----- Original Message -----
Subject: RE:Re:

Well, i sort of understand ...you're an amazing woman that no man in his right mind would want to lose. Seems to me, though, that you are giving in to emotional blackmail at the expense of your best interests. I want you, denise, so much so that i will give you the time and space to see [how things go]. Difficult, yes, but i think you are worth waiting for. Just friends for now - god, i miss your kisses already! And yes, please send me pics of zeke to the art site email. I have something for k and z. I can mail it to you to send if you don't want to see me for now. I really appreciate your honesty in this, and hope things go so that you are happy. No, that's bullshit - i hope you dump the guy and call me :-D !!! You will remain in my thoughts....

----- Original Message -----

Hey denise, do you believe in omens? I stepped outside tonight, looked up at the beautiful sky and the twinkling stars, and asked out loud to whoever listens, "am i waiting for someone who can not be mine?" Just then, from behind a tree steps a beautiful blonde cat! Coincidence, maybe, but i haven't seen stray kitties in this neighborhood in many months.... Anyway, i prefer to take it as a sign to wait for you, angel - wait for the time when *we* get a chance. Yeah, i know, i'm a dork.... But i want to be *your* dork! As your profile states, we shall see ;-)


----- Original Message -----
Subject: RE:

Those tickets were for you and amanda - i have mine. Wouldn't ask you to lie, but as you're not married you don't need to. If you wanted to be with me you could - you would. That you don't i attribute to either you have no romantic feelings for me, or you're afraid - afraid to lose what you have or afraid of the unknown or afraid of getting hurt or afraid of experiencing a love the likes of which you've maybe never known before. Whatever the reason, i've done all i can do except continue to love you, denise. And no power on earth can stop that! Verse 2 has been written, yet the music plays on. You know how to reach me. Love, norm

----- Original Message -----
Hi again, i was thinking last night after the show (great show, btw) while waiting for my sternum to stop vibrating: i owe you an apology for causing you stress lately, which i'm sure is the last thing you need more of. My intent was both selfish and well-meaning at the same time. I wanted you so very much, and thought *we* would be happy - ecstatically so - together. From the male point of view, you are a woman worth any effort to have and to hold...and i thought the end would justify the means. I won't say i was wrong for trying, because it is *you* i wanted, still want, and you are just so fucking incredible, denise! Not a concept, not a toy, but a real thinking, feeling woman, alive and full of sweetness and love! And as i said before, i will love you forever. But still, you don't need any more stress-inducing interference...are you still ok with us being friends, at least for the forseeable future?

----- Original Message -----
Subject: Re: RE:
I keep playing your msg over and over in my mind. Please tell me, denise, are you afraid to love again? Are you afraid to be loved so deeply that it feels as though our 2 souls are but one, our hearts beating only because the other's heart beats in time, our minds and bodies so in tune with the other's, wanting only the other's peace and happiness? Well, it's too late, angel, because you already have that in me. You can fight it, you can try to ignore it, you can run away from it, maybe for a while, maybe forever, but my love for you will never diminish. The vestal's lot is NOT a happy one - they had to be drugged into a stupor to carry out their duties! And we, angel, are too alive and all too human - thinking, feeling, loving - to put ourselves away. Sure, love is a risk, just as is anything worthwhile, but it's a risk that a woman such as you and a man such as i must take. The penalty for not taking the risk may be a wasted life - the reward may be heaven itself. Let's talk-please

----- Original Message -----
Subject: RE:Re:

That poem, btw, is not mine, as if you didn't already know...you'll spot my amatuerish work right off. It was written by christopher marlowe, who if i remember correctly, was a contemporary of shakespeare. So our story, angel, is not a new one. Perhaps that's why i feel that i know you, know your soul...perhaps *we* have lived this story before, in another life, and it moved marlowe to put quill to paper, speaking to us then as now....


From: Norm
To: Denise

Silent still the lovely muse,
though speech be within her pow'r.
Unanswered questions belie her ruse
that she loves him not this hour.
So wait he must, as he's compell'd,
though time apart compounds his wounds;
for the silent muse he once beheld,
to honor love that knows no bounds.
(ok, this one is mine - you may commence giggling)


----- Original Message -----
From: Norm
To: Denise
Sent: Wednesday, May

Page 2
Soft and sweet, lovely, strong and wise,
silky blonde hair, red lips, blue eyes;
delicious curves that fuel my lust
to sip the nectar between her thighs.
No other woman can have my heart,
unmoved by looks or wiles or pleas;
i want to shout from every mountain,
"HOW I LOVE YOU, MY SWEET DENISE!"
Our story is not yet finished,
indeed, it's barely just begun.
I will not - can not - stop to rest,
until it's her heart i have won!

----- Original Message -----
Sent: Monday, May 2005 9:29 PM
Subject: FW:Sent earlier today

Norm,

Thanks for the poem... and thanks for being so kind and taking amanda to get
a gift card for me to my absolute favorite place on earth! LOL - we are
heading up there now...

You are awfully good to me, I don't really understand why... I appreciate
you though, and I know it made amanda feel good to be able to totally
suprise me by actually having something to give me today.... I am going to
buy her a book, too! (Later this evening: We had a great day, and had fun at borders - we each got several books!)

----- Original Message -----
Sent: Monday, May 2005 9:39 PM

Hi angel,
just had a good visit with the kids. And my thoughts remain on you, dear Denise.
You say you believe me when i tell you i love you...good! Yet another step in what i feel is the right direction...for *us*! I want to spend every day of the rest of my life making you believe all over again...loving you, caring for you, making you feel happy and safe and oh so fully loved and desired and satisfied! Time spent with you, angel, should be devoted to love and pleasure - and weeds be damned (that was a joke, ok? I hope you're laughing - i am).

And perhaps now that you know how serious i am about you, maybe - maybe - you won't be overly cautious when/if the time comes that you decide you want something more than what you're feeling now. I will be here, my beloved.
I love you, Denise.

----- Original Message -----
Sent: Wednesday, May 2005 5:36 AM
Subject: RE:Re:

(smile)
to finally hear, or in this case read, that you love me too, denise, is so indescribably healing. Thank you.
Your life is not a mess, dear. You are a woman doing her best to find happiness and peace. If anything, i have been a complication to your peace of mind, though that was never my intent. I want only to love you, and to make you feel loved, happy, wanted, and safe.
Do not be amazed that i waited - and wait still - for you, denise, are a woman so special, so beautiful, so sweet, i would wait a lifetime if needs must just for your divine kiss. I could never find another who touches me the way you touch me.
I love you so much.
And your poetry is beautiful, and moving. Thank you.


----- Original Message -----
From:
To:
Sent: Wednesday, May 2005
Subject: RE:Re:

Mmm - no regrets at all, angel. And someday you'll find that standing beside this old ex-cop you'll never be chicken -lol.
Great news about Amanda...
Wish i didn't have to go to work...how often is it you have unscheduled free time??!! If you and Amanda would like to get some dinner later, i'd love to see you again...I can break anytime.
I love you.
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