Log in

No account? Create an account
Athena Rising
[Most Recent Entries] [Calendar View] [Friends]

Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Denim's LiveJournal:

[ << Previous 20 ]
Thursday, May 3rd, 2007
4:01 pm
Condom Clothes photo page
a collection of photos of dresses and outfits constructed almost entirely of multi-coloured condoms.

read more | digg story
3:58 pm
VIDEO:President Bush defines Iraq success in 30 seconds
In remarks made Wednesday to the Associated General Contractors of America, President Bush defined his view of the success in Iraq that he hopes to accomplish.

"Either we'll succeed, or we won't succeed," he said. "And the definition of success as I described is sectarian violence down. Success is not, no violence."

read more | digg story
Saturday, November 11th, 2006
9:12 am
Tuesday, September 12th, 2006
9:06 pm
Sunday, September 3rd, 2006
6:36 am
Books, books, gotta have books
This was fun, bt like most multiple choce surveys, not very comprehensive... so I just selected the ones I feel were important to me personally - Memorable reads, or even fateful reads... I read A LOT! An example of memorable and fateful: The God of Small Things - Arundhati Roy... I was thrilled to see this on the list! I was in India when it was released and bought it there, 1st editon, India edition.... and the literary joy & wonder of reading this book sitting on a balcony overlooking a crowded, average, fascinating neighborhood street in Bangalore, India... the sights and smells and sounds she desribes so well, and I was actually experiencing. While watching in my peripheral vision monkeys scampering in the tree tops like the squirrels do here in TX... really beyond describing.

Try this: Find the documentary: The Stone Reader... It's awesome... I saw it with my daughter at the Angelica a couple of years ago. I think the tag line was "For anyone who has ever loved a book..."
What have I read?
These are the 25 most popular overall books at What Should I Read Next?
I loved it!!  
The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy - Douglas Adams
The Catcher in the Rye - J.D. Salinger
The Great Gatsby - F.Scott Fitzgerald
To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
1984 - George Orwell
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince - J.K. Rowling
The Time Traveler's Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
Animal Farm: A Fairy Story - George Orwell
The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Life of Pi - Yann Martel
Catch-22 - Joseph Heller
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon
The Hummingird's Daughter - Luis Alberto Urrea
Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
Slaughterhouse 5 - Kurt Vonnegut
The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
Ender's Game - Orson Scott Card
The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien
Angels and Demons - Dan Brown
Fight Club - Chuck Palahniuk
These are the 25 most popular classic books at What Should I Read Next?
I loved it!    
Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
Ann Karenina
Little Women - Louisa May Alcott
Emma - Jane Austen
The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn - Mark Twain
A Tale of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
Persuasion - Jane Austen
Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
Dracula - Bram Stoker
The Adventures of Tom Sawyer - Mark Twain
Tess of the D'Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
Frankenstein - Mary Shelley
Romeo and Juliet - William Shakespeare
Hamlet - William Shakespeare
The Canterbury Tales - Geoffrey Chaucer
Northanger Abbey - Jane Austen
***The Scarlet Letter - Nathaniel Hawthorne***
The Jungle - Upton Sinclair
Candide - Voltaire, Norman Cameron
Complete Tales and Poems - Edgar Allan Poe
King Lear - William Shakespeare
Treasure Island - Robert Louis Stevenson
I loved it!    
The Catcher in the Rye - J.D. Salinger
The Great Gatsby - F.Scott Fitzgerald
To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
Nineteen Eighty-four - George Orwell
Animal Farm: A Fairy Story - George Orwell
Catch-22 - Joseph Heller
Lord of the Flies - William Golding
One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
Slaughterhouse 5 - Kurt Vonnegut
Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
A Clockwork Orange - Anthony Burgess
The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
The Old Man and the Sea - Ernest Hemingway
Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
The Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
On the Road - Jack Kerouac
The Unbearable Lightness of Being - Milan Kundera
Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
The Fountainhead - Ayn Rand
The Penelopiad - Margaret Atwood
The Year of Wonders
The Alchemist - Paulo Coelho
Love in the Time of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
East of Eden - John Steinbeck
One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest - Ken Kesey
I loved it!    
The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
The Time Traveler's Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
Life of Pi - Yann Martel
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon
The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
Angels and Demons - Dan Brown
Fight Club - Chuck Palahniuk
Cryptonomicon - Neal Stephenson
The Secret History - Donna Tartt
A Prayer for Owen Meany - John Irving
Middlesex - Jeffrey Eugenides
Atonement - Ian McEwan
High Fidelity - Nick Hornby
The Shadow Of The Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
The World According to Garp - John Irving
Me Talk Pretty One Day - David Sedaris
The Poisonwood Bible - Barbara Kingsolver
The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay - Michael Chabon
Digital Fortress - Dan Brown
The Wind-up Bird Chronicle - Haruki Murakami
The Secret Life of Bees - Sue Monk Kidd
Generation X: Tales for an Accelerated Culture - Douglas Coupland
The God of Small Things - Arundhati Roy
I loved it!    
A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius - Dave Eggers
Freakonomics - Steven Levitt, Stephen J. Dubner
A Short History of Nearly Everything - Bill Bryson
The Tipping Point - Malcolm Gladwell
Blink - Malcolm Gladwell
Running with Scissors - Augusten Burroughs
Guns, Germs and Steel - Jared Diamond
Fast Food Nation - Eric Schlosser
Tuesdays with Morrie - Mitch Albom
A Walk in the Woods - Bill Bryson
Wild Swans - Jung Chang
Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs - Chuck Klosterman
Notes from a Small Island - Bill Bryson
The Devil in the White City - Erik Larson
In Cold Blood - Truman Capote
Eats, Shoots & Leaves - Lynne Truss
Dry - Augusten Burroughs
My Friend Leonard - James Frey (if not fiction!)
Moneyball - Michael Lewis
Girl, Interrupted - Susanna Kaysen
Getting Things Done - David Allen
Stiff - Mary Roach
In a Sunburned Country - Bill Bryson
Under the Banner of Heaven - Jon Krakauer
Into Thin Air - Jon Krakauer
One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
The Shadow Of The Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
The Unbearable Lightness of Being - Milan Kundera
The Wind-up Bird Chronicle - Haruki Murakami
Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
Norwegian Wood - Haruki Murakami
Foucault's Pendulum - Umberto Eco
The Alchemist - Paulo Coelho
Love in the Time of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
The Name of the Rose - Umberto Eco
Sophie's World - Jostein Gaarder
Siddhartha - Herman Hesse
Dance, Dance, Dance - Haruki Murakami
Hard-Boiled Wonderland and the End of the World - Haruki Murakami
Blindness - Jose Saramago
Kafka on the Shore - Haruki Murakami
A Wild Sheep Chase - Haruki Murakami
The Stranger - Albert Camus
The House of the Spirits - Isabel Allende
Things Fall Apart - Chinua Achebe
The Outsider - Albert Camus
Miss Smilla's Feeling for Snow - Peter Hoeg
Sputnik Sweetheart - Haruki Murakami
Like Water for Chocolate - Laura Esquivel
South of the Border, West of the Sun - Haruki Murakami
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince - J.K. Rowling
His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban - J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone - J.K. Rowling
Charlotte's Web - E.B. White, Garth Williams
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets - J.K. Rowling
The Bad Beginning - Lemony Snicket
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl
Sabriel - Garth Nix
Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
Watership Down - Richard Adams
Eragon - Christopher Paolini
The Giver - Lois Lowry
The Once and Future King - T.H. White
Abhorsen - Garth Nix
Anne of Green Gables - L.M. Montgomery
A Wrinkle in Time - Madeleine L'Engle, Keith Scaife
The Witches - Roald Dahl, Quentin Blake
Time Quartet - Madeleine L'Engle
The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
A Little Princess: The Story of Sara Crewe - Frances Hodgson Burnett
The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett, Robin Lawrie
The Outsiders - S.E. Hinton
The Wonderful Wizard of Oz - L.Frank Baum
Take the 'What have I read?' test now!
Eight different categories to try!
Buy your books at Amazon US or Amazon UK
Tuesday, August 1st, 2006
2:41 am
My Life....
Invalid video URL. View this video montage created at One True Media
My Life
Friday, July 28th, 2006
11:27 pm
Wednesday, July 26th, 2006
12:30 am
The Wait Continues (and... someone you love may need to read this one day)

In early June, while waiting for the results of the first biopsy... I remember feeling a unique peace at that time - I was concerned, hoped nothing was seriously wrong, but that early in this game I was giving myself the same advice that others are still giving me: Relax, have patience, you've done what you can.

I was, I think, equally prepared to hear the worst or the best... I truly didn't feel any fear at that point... I was able to see that whatever happens, I was at the best place in my life, surrounded by the best people and circumstances to handle even the worst news right then. Right now. I still believe this. KNOW this - but my peace is gone. I am much more proud of how I felt then, expressed in the poem, than how I feel now... but I don't know how to get back there.

I am a person who hates stress, I hate conflict, I hate anxiety, I hate anger... I usually complete a sentence like that with a bit of self-deprecating humor such as: It's a good thing I love irony!! But today it's not funny.

This waiting is becoming a bit much - and I think I am getting on the nerves of others - But I've lost the power of positive thinking, at least for the time being. It's not that I am overly concerned about the ultimate outcome... I mean, I am, of course, but the accumulative affect of not knowing, of feeling a total lack of control of anything right now is what is so frightening... and it feels daily more and more like a game in which I am just a character with a role in response to everyone else's.  That isn't at all derogatory to anyone, not even myself - just the best way I can think to describe my feeling.

I want the world to stop for a moment - let me catch up! I feel like I am suddenly in a glass bubble watching the world go by - a clock represents to me either an endless counting of the minutes until the next day, each time I learn that the waiting continues - at the same time representing the blur of time speeding by that I may be wasting on insignificant things, in the scope of my  life... (and that of my loved ones)

*"For almost all of the women, time was "heavy" during the waiting period. They remarked on how the experience of time passing was altered due to their anxiety state. For example, while they might manage reasonably well at waiting 1 week for a consultation, they might panic at being told that the consultation had been delayed for an additional day. For some women, the psychological tension associated with the waiting was almost unbearable. As one noted, "Well everything is a week or 10 days sort of thing and it adds up. In between, there are the 24 hours a day when you're just going nuts." Some found themselves in a state of despair. As one recalled, "It was like preparing for the end." Because so much of their psychic energy was bound up in awaiting the verdict, many felt suspended from their participation in normal living."

It is frustrating, on top of everything else, to possibly be misunderstood - yes, I am frightened, but what I am frightened of is not cancer, not mortality, not surgery... I am fully aware that whatever "this is", it is likely something curable - even if malignant - I firmly believe that... But what I am afraid of is: "What if I'm dying??" No, I did not contradict myself... The fear isn't of dying, but of wasting precious time! And no, I do not imagine that whatever "this" is it's growing exponentially" every day... that's not what I mean.

I mean, I mean... "deadline" has new meaning. I want to know if I should be focusing my energy 8 hours a day sitting at a desk for a company whose bottom-line is profit, when I might only have limited time to be creating memories with my daughters, my grandchildren, my partner, my friends... that's kind of it. A good example, or the best way I know to explain. I JUST NEED TO KNOW.  I need a plan, I can't concentrate.

Today I cannot look at a calendar and anticipate, as consolation, the cool crisp autumn days ahead... something that never in my life has failed to cheer me up before in the summertime heat... Oh, I tried... but instead of solace I feel a ferverant hope bordering on panic... how do I deal with that? How did my mother? How do the thousands of people waiting for a diagnosis at this exact same moment??  Especially the ones who, without a formal diagnosis really haven't a clue what is wrong. Certain illnesses there is a wealth of information abou; even a moderately intelligent being can patch together enough information to at least gather a semblance of a plan... a modicum of control.

I need the world to stop for a moment - but it cannot. I know. I know.  So I feel so disconnected from everything normal around me... Disconnected, as if suddenly I'm a tourist in a foreign land - Suddenly a guest in everyone's life, even my own. That weird feeling you get visiting friends you love dearly and overhearing them talk about plans they have 2 weeks after the day your stay with them ends... That type of thing always has made me so homesick... if you asked anyone in my family they will tell you how horribly homesick I can get - not just my children, but my dad, my stepmother, sisters... they do know that much about me. 

But you see, in this case, metaphorically, remove the "home-" part of the word, and what I am metaphorically dealing with is only that fact that I am "sick"... until I have a diagnosis, a plan - I have no where that I know to go.

I wish/hope people understood/understand how hard I try to keep above this... I am not being contrary, dramatic, fatalistic, negative.  I believe everything will be okay. I know I am strong, resilient... I know I am in good capable medical hands, now. I know that I am loved and supported. I know I can handle this. I'll come out stronger. I know I am 90 likely not going to die... that the odds are at least 50 that I don't even have a malignancy. I KNOW. I *am* comforted by that, usually.

I also know logic doesn't have much room in MY swirling emotions... and I just don't know what to do about it.

In the off-chance that I do only have limited time in this world, counseling patience, or reassuring that "it just takes time, it'll work itself out" are kind of the words that, instead of soothing me, send me off on another round of  "No, Really - stop for a moment world, Please! Let me catch up?"

The above italicized, quoted text, and that below is something that I found only after more than a week of searching online... I was pretty sure that someone else must understand this feeling - and sure enough, I finally found the EXACT description for what I am dealing with mentally right now, even if my physical problem is undefined. Please email me if you'd like a copy of this, because I guarantee it is invaluable info for anyone going through the "wait" - and their families... the last paragraph affirms how important information is - yet - the only way I could get this document is to pay for it - I am absolutely sick of unneccesary ironies.... Someone you love *will* need to read this some day....

"The actual steps in diagnosis varied considerably among women, depending on clinical factors, available resources, and clinician preferences within their community. Many women received diagnostic mammogram, ultrasound aspiration, fine wire localization, or surgical biopsy, or a combination of these tests, before the results were conclusive. While most women in the focus groups had been given a definitive answer as to whether they did or did not have cancer, some had been booked for further follow-up to monitor suspicious but inconclusive results.

The steps within the diagnostic process typically involved obtaining one test or consultation and then being informed that they would have to wait for the next one, often with a different practitioner. Few women had a clear sense of the entirety of the process at the outset, so the experience was comprised of a series of consultation events with waiting periods in between. All understood that they might have cancer, but most had little insight into the point in the process at which that determination might be made. Thus the waiting period was an intensely uncertain time for almost all of the women."

The Experience of Time:

"For most women the waiting period constituted a "limbo" period in their lives during which priorities were radically altered and their energy was focused on "getting through time." Many described serious disruptions to their daily existence, including insomnia, panic attacks, an inability to concentrate at work, and the inability to plan..."

"...Many women reported information-management strategies as critical to the way they handled waiting. On learning of the abnormal screening mammogram result, some felt an immediate need for all the information they could lay their hands on. As one explained, "I looked it up on the [Inter]net and everything. Every medical book that dated back to 1800, I think. I think that is where knowledge is scary. I would stay up all night and cram as much as I could get in." Other women were more comfortable with awaiting the information that their health care providers thought they would need. From their perspective, unnecessary or disturbing information could accentuate their fears and impede their ability to get through time in the waiting period, and so they avoided the information sources that might have been available to them..."

"A second variation had to do with how women handled the presence or absence of options within the diagnostic process. For some, the prescription of a set pattern of steps toward diagnosis was comforting, while for others, some choices within the process seemed highly important. Most women found that they needed some opportunity to talk to health care professionals about what to expect and how to make sense of this process. They acknowledged that there were occasions, such as on first hearing that their mammogram results were abnormal, when they were unable to retain information. Some asserted themselves to create opportunities for communication with health care professionals, while others merely wished for that opportunity. As one woman explained, "You sort of feel as if you have no control over how much time it takes or over how much somebody else even cares." Because their anxiety levels were typically very high, several participants acknowledged that their attempts to communicate with others were badly handled. (denise note: Don't I know it.) As one remembered, "I never usually talk to people like I talked to him [surgeon], but I just blew up. I was just like a tyrant." Thus some women focused on following procedure, while others found the need to assert their influence over what was happening to them..."

"...Among those who did not reveal what they were going through, there was often a strong desire to talk to someone who had first-hand knowledge of the experience but had not been subsequently diagnosed with cancer. One woman recalled, "I didn't need to live through three weeks to my diagnosis wondering how long I had to live. I needed to talk to somebody who had gone through the experience and survived it." Because the readily available support networks for women in this situation are aimed at women who have been diagnosed with cancer, many women felt the absence of lay support during this period was a significant problem. "I have to wait a week to get this done and I'm really frightened. To have another woman who has been through this process just at the other end of the line may have been helpful."

* The Experience of Waiting for Diagnosis - The Breast Journal

Although a few of the women experienced no significant barriers, the majority were convinced that there were elements in the diagnostic process that unnecessarily complicated their waiting period. The frustration that such problems caused was an important aspect of their accounts of the experience of waiting for diagnosis.

The first significant challenge women reported was that of accessing appropriate information. While not all women sought information during this period, those who did often found that it was not forthcoming from their health care providers. As one recalled, "One of the things that I found extremely frustrating is the way in which I had to work so hard to get information, including information about myself that the medical system hadthis sense constantly of that system closing ranks against me." Often women's attempts to obtain information about their suspicious symptoms made them aware that information could be withheld. As one explained, "I was a bit upset because I found out afterwards that this small lump I had had shown up in the mammogram the year before. No one had said anything to me."

"...Beyond specific information about their own situation, many women also tried to access general information about diagnostic steps associated with breast disease. Paradoxically the route to obtaining such information typically ran counter to the psychological strategies that many women were using to try to get through time and retain a sense of optimism. As one recalled, "When I finished seeing the surgeon, I asked for more information. They said, 'Oh we don't have anything here, go to the cancer society.' Now wait a minute, who'd said anything about cancer! I wasn't going to go trotting off to the cancer society. I didn't really want to acknowledge that there could be that chance of cancer."

"...Complicating this was the reality that each step in the process typically depended on the outcome of the one that came before, so the sequence could not be predicted in advance. As one woman commented, "It seemed to me that every time you had some procedure done you had to run back to your specialist. Then you had another procedure then back to your specialist. It seems like a waste of time and money." This aspect of the diagnostic process made waiting especially problematic. Another woman said, "It's all that scheduling back and forth and your mind plays all sorts of crazy tricks on you." To their surprise, many women also discovered significant seasonal variations in the availability of services. One woman recalled, "What I was told is that they cut back on the surgical procedures by about 70n the operating rooms in the summertime."

"...The net effect of the problems women encountered with information access, bureaucratic challenges, and unpleasant personalities was the pervasive sense that the system itself could not be trusted. Human and bureaucratic errors were common in the accounts, and their effects on the women were powerful. While some women rationalized them as exceptional situations, the majority articulated a general sense of distrust that each instance served to confirm. Women reported such events as errors in their medical records, conflicting recommendations between clinicians, technical errors during procedures, lack of communication between specialties and departments, and even efforts on the part of their clinicians to break rules to expedite their diagnostic process as disturbing clues to the general failures within health care processes. Because they anticipated the possibility of a cancer diagnosis, any shortcoming in the way the health care system functioned was of particular concern to these women, and evidence of its sloppiness, inequity, and dependence on human frailty was particularly disturbing. The feelings of frustration and distrust that emerged as a result of their various encounters within the diagnostic system complicated the experience of waiting for these women."

"...A final theme in the accounts of the focus group participants was the importance and influence of health care communication throughout the waiting process. While verbal communication was a prominent issue, the accounts confirmed the extreme sensitivity of these women to the nonverbal messages they received throughout the diagnostic period. Many women admitted to attending to facial reactions to try to determine whether the news was good or bad. Others read special significance into the look in an eye or the tone of voice, as one woman's account illustrates:

Other women reported individual interpretations of scheduling patterns. For example, many acknowledged that they were highly attuned to the possible meaning of being recalled for additional testing. "Then the next morning I got a call from the hospital that they wanted me to come in the next day to have further testing done; I felt that something was wrong, because if the doctor phones to get us into the doctor's office, there is obviously something wrong." A particularly disturbing combination was reported by several women when they detected urgency in the voice of the professional at the same time that they were being told that there would be a significant delay before the next diagnostic procedure.

Because information access was a concern for many women, the way in which information was conveyed was an important element of health care communication. As has been noted, many women found it difficult to obtain the information they thought they required. As one explained, "For them it's just a job and I understand that. Every day they are dealing with hundreds of women, going through the same procedures But I think my anxiety could have been calmed down by just being a little bit more specific in terms of what to expect."

"...Others found that the form of the communications they received was not particularly helpful to them in the context of their waiting process. One woman explained, "I just didn't know how supportive I thought people telling me not to worry was. It's not that I didn't want to hear that, it just really didn't help. They were so casual." For many of the women, the words and the tone of health care communications were of major significance in their ability to make sense of the situation and manage the waiting period. As one said, "You're certainly on edge the whole time, wondering. When my doctor phoned he said 'most of the time when these come back as abnormal there is nothing to worry about.' So you kind of hang on to that."

"...Until women know whether they do or do not have cancer, they put their plans and priorities on hold and focus their energies on a complex, frustrating, and often highly distressing diagnostic process. Both the length of waiting time and the disturbing experiences endured during the waiting process transport them out of their ordinary realities and into the foreign and often exasperating world of trying to negotiate the health care system. For researchers as well as clinicians, serious consideration of the implications of what women have to tell us seems warranted. As we focus on reducing the unnecessary delays associated with diagnostic processes, it is also important to extend equal concern toward the system and provider communication processes that powerfully influence women's experiences...."

Friday, July 21st, 2006
2:42 am
I wonder why peace is so difficult?

"We must expel Arabs and take their places."
-- David Ben Gurion, 1937, Ben Gurion and the Palestine Arabs, Oxford University Press, 1985.

"We must use terror, assassination, intimidation, land confiscation, and the cutting of all social services to rid the Galilee of its Arab population."

-- David Ben-Gurion, May 1948, to the General Staff.   From Ben-Gurion, A Biography, by Michael Ben-Zohar, Delacorte, New York 1978.

"There has been Anti-Semitism, the Nazis, Hitler, Auschwitz, but was that their fault? They see but one thing: we have come and we have stolen their country. Why would they accept that?"
-- Quoted by Nahum Goldmann in Le Paraddoxe Juif (The Jewish Paradox), pp. 121-122.

"Jewish villages were built in the place of Arab villages. You do not even know the names of these Arab villages, and I do not blame you because geography books no longer exist. Not only do the books not exist, the Arab villages are not there either. Nahlal arose in the place of Mahlul; Kibbutz Gvat in the place of Jibta; Kibbutz Sarid in the place of Huneifis; and Kefar Yehushua in the place of Tal al-Shuman. There is not a single place built in this country that did not have a former Arab population."

-- David Ben Gurion, quoted in The Jewish Paradox, by Nahum Goldmann, Weidenfeld and Nicolson, 1978, p. 99.

"Let us not ignore the truth among ourselves ... politically we are the aggressors and they defend themselves... The country is theirs, because they inhabit it, whereas we want to come here and settle down, and in their view we want to take away from them their country."
-- David Ben Gurion, quoted on pp 91-2 of Chomsky's Fateful Triangle, which appears in Simha Flapan's "Zionism and the Palestinians pp 141-2 citing a 1938 speech.

"If I knew that it was possible to save all the children of Germany by transporting them to England, and only half by transferring them to the Land of Israel, I would choose the latter, for before us lies not only the numbers of these children but the historical reckoning of the people of Israel."
-- David Ben-Gurion (Quoted on pp 855-56 in Shabtai Teveth's Ben-Gurion in a slightly different translation).

David Ben Gurion
Prime Minister of Israel
1949 - 1954,
1955 - 1963

"There is no such thing as a Palestinian people... It is not as if we came and threw them out and took their country. They didn't exist."
-- Golda Meir, statement to The Sunday Times, 15 June, 1969.

"How can we return the occupied territories? There is nobody to return them to."
-- Golda Meir, March 8, 1969.

"Any one who speaks in favor of bringing the Arab refugees back must also say how he expects to take the responsibility for it, if he is interested in the state of Israel. It is better that things are stated clearly and plainly: We shall not let this happen."
-- Golda Meir, 1961, in a speech to the Knesset, reported in Ner, October 1961

"This country exists as the fulfillment of a promise made by God Himself. It would be ridiculous to ask it to account for its legitimacy."

-- Golda Meir, Le Monde, 15 October 1971

Golda Meir
Prime Minister of Israel
1969 - 1974


"We walked outside, Ben-Gurion accompanying us. Allon repeated his question, What is to be done with the Palestinian population?' Ben-Gurion waved his hand in a gesture which said 'Drive them out!"
-- Yitzhak Rabin, leaked censored version of Rabin memoirs, published in the New York Times, 23 October 1979.

"[Israel will] create in the course of the next 10 or 20 years conditions which would attract natural and voluntary migration of the refugees from the Gaza Strip and the west Bank to Jordan. To achieve this we have to come to agreement with King Hussein and not with Yasser Arafat."
-- Yitzhak Rabin (a "Prince of Peace" by Clinton's standards), explaining his method of ethnically cleansing the occupied land without stirring a world outcry. (Quoted in David Shipler in the New York Times, 04/04/1983 citing Meir Cohen's remarks to the Knesset's foreign affairs and defense committee on March 16.)

Yitzhak Rabin
Prime Minister of Israel
1974 - 1977,
1992 - 1995


"[The Palestinians] are beasts walking on two legs."

-- Israeli Prime Minister Menachem Begin, speech to the Knesset, quoted in Amnon Kapeliouk, "Begin and the 'Beasts,"' New Statesman, June 25, 1982.

"The Partition of Palestine is illegal. It will never be recognized .... Jerusalem was and will for ever be our capital. Eretz Israel will be restored to the people of Israel. All of it. And for Ever."
-- Menachem Begin, the day after the U.N. vote to partition Palestine.

Menachem Begin
Prime Minister of Israel
1977 - 1983


"The past leaders of our movement left us a clear message to keep Eretz Israel from the Sea to the River Jordan for future generations, for the mass aliya (=Jewish immigration), and for the Jewish people, all of whom will be gathered into this country."
-- Former Prime Minister Yitzhak Shamir declares at a Tel Aviv memorial service for former Likud leaders, November 1990. Jerusalem Domestic Radio Service.

"The settlement of the Land of Israel is the essence of Zionism. Without settlement, we will not fulfill Zionism. It's that simple."
-- Yitzhak Shamir, Maariv, 02/21/1997.

"(The Palestinians) would be crushed like grasshoppers ... heads smashed against the boulders and walls."
-- Isreali Prime Minister (at the time) Yitzhak Shamir in a speech to Jewish settlers New York Times April 1, 1988

Yizhak Shamir
Prime Minister of Israel
1983 - 1984,
1986 - 1992


"Israel should have exploited the repression of the demonstrations in China, when world attention focused on that country, to carry out mass expulsions among the Arabs of the territories."
-- Benyamin Netanyahu, then Israeli Deputy Foreign Minister, former Prime Minister of Israel, speaking to students at Bar Ilan University, from the Israeli journal Hotam, November 24, 1989.

Benjamin Netanyahu
Prime Minister of Israel
1996 - 1999

"The Palestinians are like crocodiles, the more you give them meat, they want more"....
-- Ehud Barak, Prime Minister of Israel at the time - August 28, 2000. Reported in the Jerusalem Post August 30, 2000

"If we thought that instead of 200 Palestinian fatalities, 2,000 dead would put an end to the fighting at a stroke, we would use much more force...."
-- Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Barak, quoted in Associated Press, November 16, 2000.

"I would have joined a terrorist organization."

-- Ehud Barak's response to Gideon Levy, a columnist for the Ha'aretz newspaper, when Barak was asked what he would have done if he had been born a Palestinian.

Ehud Barak
Prime Minister of Israel
1999 - 2001


"It is the duty of Israeli leaders to explain to public opinion, clearly and courageously, a certain number of facts that are forgotten with time. The first of these is that there is no Zionism, colonialization, or Jewish State without the eviction of the Arabs and the expropriation of their lands."

-- Ariel Sharon, Israeli Foreign Minister, addressing a meeting of militants from the extreme right-wing Tsomet Party, Agence France Presse, November 15, 1998.

"Everybody has to move, run and grab as many (Palestinian) hilltops as they can to enlarge the (Jewish) settlements because everything we take now will stay ours...Everything we don't grab will go to them."
-- Ariel Sharon, Israeli Foreign Minister, addressing a meeting of the Tsomet Party, Agence France Presse, Nov. 15, 1998.

"Israel may have the right to put others on trial, but certainly no one has the right to put the Jewish people and the State of Israel on trial."

-- Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon, 25 March, 2001 quoted in

Wednesday, July 19th, 2006
8:58 am
Saturday, July 15th, 2006
2:16 pm
Am I the *only* one who finds this funny?? Really??
June 18, 1997 |

WASHINGTON, DCAlzheimer's sufferers from across the nation marched on random buildings throughout Washington, D.C., Washington State, and Iowa City, IA, Monday, demanding that Congress prioritize finding a cure for pancakes, the nation's third-leading breakfast food.

"Until Budenheimer's is cured, there will never be enough bread in the laundry," said a spokesperson for the group, who identified himself variously as Dr. James Lustig, Brian Boitano, Mr. Jet Captain and Socko the Happy-Turtle. "Until we are all properly rotated and serviced, none of us can ever truly be plaid."

Lustig's comments were echoed by fellow marchers, who warned that unless a cure for pancakes is found by 2000, they will continue to protest until led gently back to their homes by loved ones or trained health-care providers.

Urinating in vending machines and occasionally emitting bird-like squawks, a group of protesters in downtown D.C. resisted police crowd-dispersal efforts for six hours, linking arms and joining in a chant of "I like Ike!"

"Pancakes are delicious, but their wily ways are not to be trusted," said Alzheimer's sufferer Marie Klapisch, speaking to a group of ducks gathered in front of the U.S. Treasury Building. "Get those underpants away from my grandchildren's foot medicine, you filthy, dirty-minded bastards!" She then burst into tears and ran off, scattering the assembled waterfowl.

Pancakes, according to officials at the International House Of Pancakes' headquarters in Geneva, are consumed by approximately 40 million Americans each morning. They are, IHOP spokespeople said, extremely delicious whether served with syrup or a variety of fruity toppings, and are available 24 hours a day. Yet they admit that, as of now, there is no cure in sight.

According to the General Accounting Office, current annual funding for pancake-related Alzheimer's research is approximately zero dollars. That amount, GAO officials said, has remained the same since the current record-keeping system for federal budget expenditures was established in 1809. 

 Activists who want Congress to increase pancake-cure funding march in front of a bus 
 depot in Bellingham, WA. 

 With no cure for pancakes on the horizon and no federal research funds, the AD-afflicted   
 activists have a long road ahead. Nevertheless, the group has continued to fight for its  
 cause, leaving faucets running unattended for days at a time, placing tray after tray of ice  
 cubes in mailboxes, and even, in some cases, throwing dogs at parked cars in what are  
 presumed to be acts of solidarity with the pancake-cure movement.

 "That battleship silverware of yours is no damn sofa sink hobo," Lakeland, FL, senior   
 Elmer Bass said. "Until a cure is found, there will be no more change given for anything less than a 
40-dollar bill."

The feelings of the Alzheimer's community were best summed up by retired lawn-care professional Max Gherkin of Flagstaff, AZ, who marched all the way to Washington clad only in a frilly, 1940s-era ladies' support hose that once belonged to his deceased wife.

"Fellow Shriners," Gherkin said, "Alzheimer's is a crippling disease that can cause dear family members to lose not only their fruit flies, but their self-esteem, fertilizer invoices, Pastor Bob, and personal dignity, as well. I beg you all, from deep in my rototill: Frog battleship now, and please put an end to pancakes, pans, cakes, cake pans, pants, snakes, and all they represent. Firemen! Can't you see the bicycle release valve is already undersea?"

He then burst into a string of expletives, as his bathrobe had become entangled in a bush.

From The Onion Archives:


Current Mood: calm
Saturday, April 29th, 2006
8:52 pm
Kissing Hank's Ass
Kissing Hank's Ass

This morning there was a knock at my door. When I answered the door I found a well groomed, nicely dressed couple. The man spoke first:

John: "Hi! I'm John, and this is Mary."

Mary: "Hi! We're here to invite you to come kiss Hank's ass with us."

Me: "Pardon me?! What are you talking about? Who's Hank, and why would I want to kiss His ass?"

John: "If you kiss Hank's ass, He'll give you a million dollars; and if you don't, He'll kick the shit out of you."

Me: "What? Is this some sort of bizarre mob shake-down?"

John: "Hank is a billionaire philanthropist. Hank built this town. Hank owns this town. He can do whatever He wants, and what He wants is to give you a million dollars, but He can't until you kiss His ass."

Me: "That doesn't make any sense. Why..."

Mary: "Who are you to question Hank's gift? Don't you want a million dollars? Isn't it worth a little kiss on the ass?"

Me: "Well maybe, if it's legit, but..."

John: "Then come kiss Hank's ass with us."

Me: "Do you kiss Hank's ass often?"

Mary: "Oh yes, all the time..."

Me: "And has He given you a million dollars?"

John: "Well no. You don't actually get the money until you leave town."

Me: "So why don't you just leave town now?"

Mary: "You can't leave until Hank tells you to, or you don't get the money, and He kicks the shit out of you."

Me: "Do you know anyone who kissed Hank's ass, left town, and got the million dollars?"

John: "My mother kissed Hank's ass for years. She left town last year, and I'm sure she got the money."

Me: "Haven't you talked to her since then?"

John: "Of course not, Hank doesn't allow it."

Me: "So what makes you think He'll actually give you the money if you've never talked to anyone who got the money?"

Mary: "Well, He gives you a little bit before you leave. Maybe you'll get a raise, Maybe you'll win a small lotto, maybe you'll just find a twenty-dollar bill on the street."

Me: "What's that got to do with Hank?"

John: "Hank has certain 'connections.'"

Me: "I'm sorry, but this sounds like some sort of bizarre con game."

John: "But it's a million dollars, can you really take the chance? And remember, if you don't kiss Hank's ass He'll kick the shit out of you."

Me: "Maybe if I could see Hank, talk to Him, get the details straight from Him..."

Mary: "No one sees Hank, no one talks to Hank."

Me: "Then how do you kiss His ass?"

John: "Sometimes we just blow Him a kiss, and think of His ass. Other times we kiss Karl's ass, and he passes it on."

Me: "Who's Karl?"

Mary: "A friend of ours. He's the one who taught us all about kissing Hank's ass. All we had to do was take him out to dinner a few times."

Me: "And you just took his word for it when he said there was a Hank, that Hank wanted you to kiss His ass, and that Hank would reward you?"

John: "Oh no! Karl has a letter he got from Hank years ago explaining the whole thing. Here's a copy; see for yourself."

>From the Desk of Karl :

1) Kiss Hank's ass and He'll give you a million dollars when you leave town.
2) Use alcohol in moderation.
3) Kick the shit out of people who aren't like you.
4) Eat right.
5) Hank dictated this list Himself.
6) The moon is made of green cheese.
7) Everything Hank says is right.
8) Wash your hands after going to the bathroom.
9) Don't use alcohol.
10) Eat your wieners on buns, no condiments.
11) Kiss Hank's ass or He'll kick the shit out of you.

Me: "This appears to be written on Karl's letterhead."

Mary: "Hank didn't have any paper."

Me: "I have a hunch that if we checked we'd find this is Karl's handwriting."

John: "Of course, Hank dictated it."

Me: "I thought you said no one gets to see Hank?"

Mary: "Not now, but years ago He would talk to some people."

Me: "I thought you said He was a philanthropist. What sort of philanthropist kicks the shit out of people just because they're different?"

Mary: "It's what Hank wants, and Hank's always right."

Me: "How do you figure that?"

Mary: "Item 7 says 'Everything Hank says is right.' That's good enough for me!"

Me: "Maybe your friend Karl just made the whole thing up."

John: "No way! Item 5 says 'Hank dictated this list himself.' Besides, item 2 says 'Use alcohol in moderation,' Item 4 says 'Eat right,' and item 8 says 'Wash your hands after going to the bathroom.' Everyone knows those things are right, so the rest must be true, too."

Me: "But 9 says 'Don't use alcohol.' which doesn't quite go with item 2, and 6 says 'The moon is made of green cheese,' which is just plain wrong."

John: "There's no contradiction between 9 and 2, 9 just clarifies 2. As far as 6 goes, you've never been to the moon, so you can't say for sure."

Me: "Scientists have pretty firmly established that the moon is made of rock..."

Mary: "But they don't know if the rock came from the Earth, or from out of space, so it could just as easily be green cheese."

Me: "I'm not really an expert, but I think the theory that the Moon was somehow 'captured' by the
Earth has been discounted*. Besides, not knowing where the rock came from doesn't make it cheese."

John: "Ha! You just admitted that scientists make mistakes, but we know Hank is always right!"

Me: "We do?"

Mary: "Of course we do, Item 7 says so."

Me: "You're saying Hank's always right because the list says so, the list is right because Hank
dictated it, and we know that Hank dictated it because the list says so. That's circular logic,
no different than saying 'Hank's right because He says He's right.'"

John: "Now you're getting it! It's so rewarding to see someone come around to Hank's way of thinking."

Me: "But...oh, never mind. What's the deal with wieners?"

Mary: She blushes.

John: "Wieners, in buns, no condiments. It's Hank's way. Anything else is wrong."

Me: "What if I don't have a bun?"

John: "No bun, no wiener. A wiener without a bun is wrong."

Me: "No relish? No Mustard?"

Mary: She looks positively stricken.

John: He's shouting. "There's no need for such language! Condiments of any kind are wrong!"

Me: "So a big pile of sauerkraut with some wieners chopped up in it would be out of the question?"

Mary: Sticks her fingers in her ears."I am not listening to this. La la la, la la, la la la."

John: "That's disgusting. Only some sort of evil deviant would eat that..."

Me: "It's good! I eat it all the time."

(Mary faints.)

(John catches Mary.) John "Well, if I'd known you were one of those I wouldn't have wasted my time.
When Hank kicks the shit out of you I'll be there, counting my money and laughing. I'll kiss Hank's ass for you, you bunless cut-wienered kraut-eater."

With this, John dragged Mary to their waiting car, and sped off.

~~Norm saw this on bartcop.com ... enjoy (I'd rather be broke, personally, is all I can say)
Saturday, April 22nd, 2006
6:07 pm
April 20th - Day started out great - (it was my birthday), and I was on LBJ headed to work at 7:30 AM, in the rain, and I rear-ended someone - my hood was dented, other person's (PU truck) bumber was askew, but thankfully no one hurt... exchanged insurance and continued on... about 1 1/2 miles from work my car overheated - apparently smashing the hood damaged the radiator = It is now in the shop... SIGH!

Day ended well though with both mine and Norm's children over for dinner and B-day cake... and the most amazing gift (Sold out concert tickets for Saturday night that Norm won on Ebay to a show I was so disappointed I couldn't go to!!!) BLUE OCTOBER at LAKEWOOD! Wooooo-hoo!

Headed to Arlington Museum of Art for Alan and Sudie's wedding, then to the concert!! What a great day/week...

Current Mood: happy
Wednesday, April 19th, 2006
1:46 pm
Live on Leno, April 14

All the way from Houston, Tx... Live on Leno!! April 14th - Awesome to watch...  They look so proud to be there!


Tears roll gently down,
As Athena lays down her  shield;
Wisdom is over-ruled sometimes,
Off of the battlefield

~ me 4/17/2006

Current Mood: touched
Monday, April 3rd, 2006
11:28 pm
It hasn't been easy, but we've been raising Kismet's pups sans Mom (she needed a break from the pups) since they were 4 weeks old... and look at them now!


It's been hard work, and I couldna have done it without a great deal of help and patience - Thank you Amanda, Melissa, Norm, William, Harry and Felix...



And... - My what beautiful Children I Have! 
 Sonny and  Kasey 


Current Mood: Mondays suck!
Sunday, April 2nd, 2006
8:58 pm

1) Touchgraph Livejournal

"This is my wish for you: Comfort on difficult days, smiles when sadness intrudes, rainbows to follow the clouds, laughter to kiss your lips, sunsets to warm your heart, hugs when spirits sag, beauty for your eyes to see, friendships to brighten your being, faith so that you can believe, confidence for when you doubt, courage to know yourself, patience to accept the truth, Love to complete your life.”

Current Mood: Sorry That Tomorrow is Monday!
Tuesday, March 14th, 2006
10:59 am
Sweet Chronology - (as best as can be reconstructed... will edit as able)
----- Original Message -----
Subject: FW:

Thank you - I'm thinking of you too - and that was an incredible entire day yesterday.

I hope you are/do have an excellent time with your daughters today - and I thought of inviting you over later to maybe watch a movie? I would also offer to cook you dinner, but at the moment, my cupboard is totally bare!

Hey, but first, in the interest of honesty, there is something I'd like to tell you - As you know, I have been married three times, and in January I actually ended a 2 year relationship with a man who lives here in Dallas - We didn't live together, nothing like that, but we were "committed" - I am extremely disappointed that it ended, even though it ended at *my* insistence... it's a bit of a story, but he hurt me and let me down...

ANYWAY - Norm - I don't want you to fall in love with me - I just want that to be said up front. I have met several really really nice people, and there are a couple that I date regularly... I know right now that I am not ready to be in a committed relationship again, if *ever* again, quite frankly... I have made a very thoughtful and un-spontaneous decision to be committed to my children, and myself.... and from a few things that you said last night, it seems that that is exactly what you are ready to find in your life... and so I'll understand if you decide you'd rather not see me again, and happy if you decide that it's cool, and appreciate that you are also free to date other people while dating me... see, I don't know you well enough to know how you'll feel... I do know you said that you appreciated my honesty - and here it is again.

I think you know I'm a good person - and when I was married, and also in the other committed relationship, I was completely faithful and gave them my all - no matter why those relationships ended, after 4 serious ones, It's pretty obvious that I can't just blame the other person, right? I am just exhausted by the thought of being consumed in a relationship right now... and the pain of when it eventually ends - but I don't like being alone, either. I don't think it's possible to have too many friends.

Norm, this is suddenly laid on you - I'm sorry - But thought it important to share with you now...

----- Original Message -----
From Denise
To Norm
Sent: Wednesday, March 23, 2005 6:51 AM
I got back last night - what a long drive - much longer than the one going down there! My phone battery died, so I missed some calls and messages, I'm sure.
Hey... I made a mistake about something, and I need to tallk to you about it and I don't know how!! You are so sweet, and caring, and I'm afraid you will be angry - or worse: hurt.
I'm not going to be able to see you for a while - OMG, that is so unfair to you... I would like to tell you what happened, but I need to hear how you feel about it before I launch into any explanation that you may or may not want to hear...
Norm, I do believe that people meet for a reason... I think you are wonderful, and I hope like you wouldn't believe that we can remain friends... I have no crystal ball about the future (obviously!)... but I have at least a few weeks where I need you to be my friend rather than boyfriend or lover... if you can. What bothers me most about this is I worry that you will take it much more personally than you should - I have not found you lacking in any way, Norm, and I hope you believe me...
I'm rambling - please email me and tell me if I am free to email you more ?

----- Original Message -----
From: Norm
To: "Denise G"
Sent: Thursday, March 31, 2005 1:00 AM
Subject: Re:
Hi, angel...me again...I didn't mean for that question about your happiness to be a rhetorical question. I'm *very much* interested in your happiness, Denise. Seeing you happy means more to me than you know! You are so sweet and so kind you deserve nothing less. [If you are] happy, then you don't need me being a pest. But if you are not happy with the way things are going, well...I don't think we met out of chance or coincidence, do you? OK, maybe that one is a rhetorical question - lol. But think about it, I don't go to that Observer web site very often (and haven't been on there since I met you), and I don't know how often you were on it but I had not seen you before, so...what are the odds of us meeting each other there? I think something stronger, something deeper than random chance brought us together, and did so for a purpose. Now it's up to us to discover that purpose. Maybe it's to be good friends and nothing more, or maybe it's to be lovers the magnitude of which great plays are written, to be studied and admired down through the ages. Or maybe it was to serve as a catalyst for you and [...] to find that you were meant to be together (which would suck mightily for me but hey, who am I to fuck with the fates, right? - lol). Sadly, it's up to you and to you alone to decide whether or not to discard that latter option.

I know [....] is your friend before anything else, and I do respect you for working so *damn* hard to keep your promise to him, and I'm sympathetic to what you may stand to lose if you decide it's just not working out. There's the paradox - it seems everything you do you do with integrity, with care, with patience, with soul, with love - all of which makes me want you even more at this time when I cannot have you. I wonder if he truly appreciates you for what you're going through. And I do pray that whatever you decide you will very soon find happiness and peace. But remember this: he's the one who sort of forced the "all-or-nothing" terms of the conditions on you - it was not your idea. If it doesn't work, he stands to lose much more than you will. And might you gain more than you lose if you decide to date others, whether it's me or someone else? (rhetorical question again :-)

OK, this turned out longer than I had wanted. Sorry. Told you from day one that I tend to ramble. Hope I haven't overstepped my bounds since, after all, we've only known each other a short while. It just feels like I've known you - and do know you - for much, much longer. Kindred spirits, perhaps. As you might imagine, thoughts of you fill my mind and I have so much I want to say to you that I should not say for now. Let me just say that I care about you, Denise, and want you to be happy. I will try to not be so much of a pest while you sort this out. But *please* do not forget that I am waiting for you, thinking of you, if/when you decide that you do not want a committed relationship with [....] The day you call and say, "Hey, let's meet for margaritas. We've got something to talk about" will be about the happiest day of my life.


----- Original Message -----
From Norm
To: "Denise G"
Subject: Re:
Date: Wed, 30 Mar 2005 19:34:52 -0600

Thanks for writing back. I understand your reluctance to write more - yeah,
it's painful, I don't like it, but then I don't like being kept away from you
at all! But I do understand that you promised to give [...] a chance, and you
take committment seriously. And so I try to respect that - and wait....

I'm glad that I'm not completely out of your thoughts. If you don't mind my
asking, and you can tell me it's none of my business if you prefer, but are
you happy with the situation now?

Sent: Tuesday, April, 2005
Subject: Re: RE:Thank you -
I am destined to be always second guessing my decisions... I don't exectly have a stellar record in the relationship department. Never say never - or forever. Where I am now, where I have been, stability and contentment at times seem even more than I deserve *smile*... looking at what you say, there are MUCH worse things, too...
I am honored that you remembered my birthday Norm... in fact, you honor me in myriad ways, whether you know so or not...
I care a lot about you, and forgive my selfishness in wanting to keep you in my life, even if I can offer nothing more in the forseeable future besides friendship ... <http://www.columbia.edu/~gm84/gibran19.html>.

Subject: RE:Thank you -
You have received a message from a Cingular multimedia phone.
Well, can't say i'm surprised, just disappointed that we didn't get more of a chance. You use words like contented and stability - don't remember you saying the word happy or excited. You deserve more than that! And i don't expect to ever find anyone as beautiful, sweet, sexy as you, denise. But if that is the way you want it, i'll respect your decision. Of course we can be friends - how often does one get to meet an angel?! Btw, i have a birthday present for you - something i made while you were in sa helping with zeke's birth. I'll email you later to see about getting it to you. You have my sincere best wishes, denise. But please - for your own sake - please don't just "settle" - you are too hot, too much of a woman, too alive to settle for only contentedness. And i will miss your kisses forever. Love, norm

----- Original Message -----
From: "Denise Gardner"
To: Norm
Subject: Thank you...
The flowers are lovely, and quite a surprise... really!
Norm, you are so sweet and thoughtful in so many ways, and deserve a good woman - NOW. Unfortunately, things don't always work out as planned, or even as desired, and I believe that that is the case with you and I...
Chance let us meet, and even more so, spend a greater amount of time together than ordinarily would have occurred in my life with my schedule - It was very nice, magical even... you know that. But, I am not perfect, and thought that I could do the "dating" game - alas, I could not, cannot... I am content with [life] on many different levels, and there is much to be said for the feeling of calm and stability that comes from being with just one person, despite what I thought I wanted. Do you understand?
I do not believe that there is only one person in the world for each of us... I think much has to do with chance... you know my history ... I would also like to stay in touch with you, but not just for purposes of keeping you as a "second" - I would never intentionally do anything like that.... I know you would never be satisfied with that position, either - and nor should you be. You deserve so much better, and I believe you will find it. You found me, didn't you? *wink*... don't think that there aren't many other wonderful, lovely and loving ladies waiting for you to find them... Oh, lucky girls!
Norm, your patience, gentleness, generosity and sexiness are very much in demand... for what ever reason you weren't very active on the dating site, I say give it another try (she says with a twinge) - you deserve so much.
May I stay in touch with you - may we be friends, Norm? I'm sorry If you are hurt - I never ever meant to hurt anybody, ever, by my actions. It makes me so sad to think that I might have caused you a pain, because you are one of the sweetest souls I ever met... and I hope a friend for life.

----- Original Message -----
Subject: RE:Re:

Well, i sort of understand ...you're an amazing woman that no man in his right mind would want to lose. Seems to me, though, that you are giving in to emotional blackmail at the expense of your best interests. I want you, denise, so much so that i will give you the time and space to see [how things go]. Difficult, yes, but i think you are worth waiting for. Just friends for now - god, i miss your kisses already! And yes, please send me pics of zeke to the art site email. I have something for k and z. I can mail it to you to send if you don't want to see me for now. I really appreciate your honesty in this, and hope things go so that you are happy. No, that's bullshit - i hope you dump the guy and call me :-D !!! You will remain in my thoughts....

----- Original Message -----

Hey denise, do you believe in omens? I stepped outside tonight, looked up at the beautiful sky and the twinkling stars, and asked out loud to whoever listens, "am i waiting for someone who can not be mine?" Just then, from behind a tree steps a beautiful blonde cat! Coincidence, maybe, but i haven't seen stray kitties in this neighborhood in many months.... Anyway, i prefer to take it as a sign to wait for you, angel - wait for the time when *we* get a chance. Yeah, i know, i'm a dork.... But i want to be *your* dork! As your profile states, we shall see ;-)

----- Original Message -----
Subject: RE:

Those tickets were for you and amanda - i have mine. Wouldn't ask you to lie, but as you're not married you don't need to. If you wanted to be with me you could - you would. That you don't i attribute to either you have no romantic feelings for me, or you're afraid - afraid to lose what you have or afraid of the unknown or afraid of getting hurt or afraid of experiencing a love the likes of which you've maybe never known before. Whatever the reason, i've done all i can do except continue to love you, denise. And no power on earth can stop that! Verse 2 has been written, yet the music plays on. You know how to reach me. Love, norm

----- Original Message -----
Hi again, i was thinking last night after the show (great show, btw) while waiting for my sternum to stop vibrating: i owe you an apology for causing you stress lately, which i'm sure is the last thing you need more of. My intent was both selfish and well-meaning at the same time. I wanted you so very much, and thought *we* would be happy - ecstatically so - together. From the male point of view, you are a woman worth any effort to have and to hold...and i thought the end would justify the means. I won't say i was wrong for trying, because it is *you* i wanted, still want, and you are just so fucking incredible, denise! Not a concept, not a toy, but a real thinking, feeling woman, alive and full of sweetness and love! And as i said before, i will love you forever. But still, you don't need any more stress-inducing interference...are you still ok with us being friends, at least for the forseeable future?

----- Original Message -----
Subject: Re: RE:
I keep playing your msg over and over in my mind. Please tell me, denise, are you afraid to love again? Are you afraid to be loved so deeply that it feels as though our 2 souls are but one, our hearts beating only because the other's heart beats in time, our minds and bodies so in tune with the other's, wanting only the other's peace and happiness? Well, it's too late, angel, because you already have that in me. You can fight it, you can try to ignore it, you can run away from it, maybe for a while, maybe forever, but my love for you will never diminish. The vestal's lot is NOT a happy one - they had to be drugged into a stupor to carry out their duties! And we, angel, are too alive and all too human - thinking, feeling, loving - to put ourselves away. Sure, love is a risk, just as is anything worthwhile, but it's a risk that a woman such as you and a man such as i must take. The penalty for not taking the risk may be a wasted life - the reward may be heaven itself. Let's talk-please

----- Original Message -----
Subject: RE:Re:

That poem, btw, is not mine, as if you didn't already know...you'll spot my amatuerish work right off. It was written by christopher marlowe, who if i remember correctly, was a contemporary of shakespeare. So our story, angel, is not a new one. Perhaps that's why i feel that i know you, know your soul...perhaps *we* have lived this story before, in another life, and it moved marlowe to put quill to paper, speaking to us then as now....

From: Norm
To: Denise

Silent still the lovely muse,
though speech be within her pow'r.
Unanswered questions belie her ruse
that she loves him not this hour.
So wait he must, as he's compell'd,
though time apart compounds his wounds;
for the silent muse he once beheld,
to honor love that knows no bounds.
(ok, this one is mine - you may commence giggling)

----- Original Message -----
From: Norm
To: Denise
Sent: Wednesday, May

Page 2
Soft and sweet, lovely, strong and wise,
silky blonde hair, red lips, blue eyes;
delicious curves that fuel my lust
to sip the nectar between her thighs.
No other woman can have my heart,
unmoved by looks or wiles or pleas;
i want to shout from every mountain,
Our story is not yet finished,
indeed, it's barely just begun.
I will not - can not - stop to rest,
until it's her heart i have won!

----- Original Message -----
Sent: Monday, May 2005 9:29 PM
Subject: FW:Sent earlier today


Thanks for the poem... and thanks for being so kind and taking amanda to get
a gift card for me to my absolute favorite place on earth! LOL - we are
heading up there now...

You are awfully good to me, I don't really understand why... I appreciate
you though, and I know it made amanda feel good to be able to totally
suprise me by actually having something to give me today.... I am going to
buy her a book, too! (Later this evening: We had a great day, and had fun at borders - we each got several books!)

----- Original Message -----
Sent: Monday, May 2005 9:39 PM

Hi angel,
just had a good visit with the kids. And my thoughts remain on you, dear Denise.
You say you believe me when i tell you i love you...good! Yet another step in what i feel is the right direction...for *us*! I want to spend every day of the rest of my life making you believe all over again...loving you, caring for you, making you feel happy and safe and oh so fully loved and desired and satisfied! Time spent with you, angel, should be devoted to love and pleasure - and weeds be damned (that was a joke, ok? I hope you're laughing - i am).

And perhaps now that you know how serious i am about you, maybe - maybe - you won't be overly cautious when/if the time comes that you decide you want something more than what you're feeling now. I will be here, my beloved.
I love you, Denise.

----- Original Message -----
Sent: Wednesday, May 2005 5:36 AM
Subject: RE:Re:

to finally hear, or in this case read, that you love me too, denise, is so indescribably healing. Thank you.
Your life is not a mess, dear. You are a woman doing her best to find happiness and peace. If anything, i have been a complication to your peace of mind, though that was never my intent. I want only to love you, and to make you feel loved, happy, wanted, and safe.
Do not be amazed that i waited - and wait still - for you, denise, are a woman so special, so beautiful, so sweet, i would wait a lifetime if needs must just for your divine kiss. I could never find another who touches me the way you touch me.
I love you so much.
And your poetry is beautiful, and moving. Thank you.

----- Original Message -----
Sent: Wednesday, May 2005
Subject: RE:Re:

Mmm - no regrets at all, angel. And someday you'll find that standing beside this old ex-cop you'll never be chicken -lol.
Great news about Amanda...
Wish i didn't have to go to work...how often is it you have unscheduled free time??!! If you and Amanda would like to get some dinner later, i'd love to see you again...I can break anytime.
I love you.

Current Mood: In Awe
Monday, March 13th, 2006
2:21 pm
Where did February go???
Damn, what a month - I just stopped, took a breath, and realized it's almost the middle of March... Almost the IDES od March, even -

It was about a month ago, 2/10, that a foster dog was delivered to me - same story - was scheduled to be euthanized if no place was found - and I can never say no to that. Besides, I liked her name: Kismet, as in Fate, Destiny... No kidding (I mean, no kidding)...

Kismet had been being used at a veterinarian's office as a blood donor dog, but developed kennel cough and so she had to go or else be put to sleep - and that seemed awful unfair after saving other dogs lives. When they brought her to me on Saturday night, I asked if they realized that she was pregnant... and the reply was "we *thought* she might be..." Hmm. I could tell she was, but she was scheduled to be "fixed" on Monday - and she didn't seem very far along, so, we got her settled in... I couldn't take her to her appointment on Monday, and was concerned that her cough needed to improve before she had surgery, so her appointment was rescheduled for Wednesday, the 15th. Monday, I came home from work and Kismet had started delivering puppies! Thank goodness Amanda noticed what was going on - Kismet indeed. All healthy and beautiful. She was soooo thin that full pregnant she was the size of a regular dog, and despite kennel cough and being an involuntary blood donor she had nourished these babies.... ALl is well, and Kismet and the Auspicious 7 are doing fine...

Shortly after the pups arrival, My daughter Kasey and her "partner" his 6 year old and Zeke, my 11 month old Grandson moved in - yikes. I thought  puppies was a bit more than I had planned on... Sigh... Advantage: Zeke sure is cute! And he'll be here for his birthday on March 20th... and so will his brother Zeb, who is coming in next week for his spring break... 

Amanda and I have an appointment March 23rd to visit Itasca, Tx - Presbyterian Children's Home... same place I went to live when I was 14... it's just an interveiw, and if she decides to stay it will be voluntary, her choice... she is looking forward to the visit - she feels she'll do better in a "small town" environment... we'll see.  Ironically, now we are getting along better than we have in a long while....  Right before all hell broke loose at our house I had started trying to paint - me! I got far enough along to not be discouraged... but have put away art supplies for now because I know me, and how easily discouraged I could be if I tried to do it now when I don't have enough time to breathe, let alone paint.... Amanda was painting, too - in fact the weekend before puppies and family arrived, Norm, me Amanda and Melissa all had a day painting - kind of took over poor Norm's "studio" - 

And speaking of Norm - Patience of a Saint!! I love him very much... and he sure must love me, too, to put up with all with such grace and aplomb... he's handling all much better than I am actually.  March 6th marked the 1st anniversary of our meeting... talk about Fate.

Current Mood: exhausted
Thursday, February 9th, 2006
8:27 pm
I knew there was an awesome dog reference by homer...
From the Odyssey (I really do try to never make things up...)

....As they were thus talking, a dog that had been lying asleep raised
his head and pricked up his ears. This was Argos, whom Ulysses had
bred before setting out for Troy, but he had never had any work out of
him. In the old days he used to be taken out by the young men when
they went hunting wild goats, or deer, or hares, but now that his
master was gone he was lying neglected on the heaps of mule and cow
dung that lay in front of the stable doors till the men should come
and draw it away to manure the great close; and he was full of
fleas. As soon as he saw Ulysses standing there, he dropped his ears
and wagged his tail, but he could not get close up to his master. When
Ulysses saw the dog on the other side of the yard, dashed a tear
from his eyes without Eumaeus seeing it, and said:
"Eumaeus, what a noble hound that is over yonder on the manure heap:
his build is splendid; is he as fine a fellow as he looks, or is he
only one of those dogs that come begging about a table, and are kept
merely for show?"
"This hound," answered Eumaeus, "belonged to him who has died in a
far country. If he were what he was when Ulysses left for Troy, he
would soon show you what he could do. There was not a wild beast in
the forest that could get away from him when he was once on its
tracks. But now he has fallen on evil times, for his master is dead
and gone, and the women take no care of him. Servants never do their
work when their master's hand is no longer over them, for Jove takes
half the goodness out of a man when he makes a slave of him."
As he spoke he went inside the buildings to the cloister where the
suitors were, but Argos died as soon as he had recognized his master...
Thursday, February 2nd, 2006
9:43 am

TEN years ago!!

Date: Fri, 27 Sep 1996 21:08:12 -0500
From: Denise, Canton, Tx
Subject: Can't believe I found this group!

Dear Co-Enlightened Ones,

I am in awe that I have found others who are as passionate about Shawn Phillips' music as I am! Of course I know that he has a large following, but I have only run across a few of these people in my life.

It seems to me that there are two kinds of people in the world - Those who understand Shawn's music and those that don't, huh? I just can't relate to the latter, except that I understand that some people really dig, say, Boxcar Willie whereas I sure don't... I am *hardly* comparing Shawn in that last statement to anyone!! He is in a class all alone - Intelligence, compassion, conviction...

I was born and raised in San Antonio. I first started listening to Shawn when I was 14 years old in 1975-6. I was going through a turbulent period and was sent to live with an older sister, and she had Second Contribution... I must have worn that album out, I played it over and over - If I needed energy, it helped - If I needed soothing, it helped - If I was happy, If I was sad...

Ironically, although I don't recall many of my friends through the years being as moved by Shawn's music as I was, it seems that I am always hunting for a replacement of Second Contribution - It was one of the albums that I would share and never get back! Closet Shawn Fans??
Anyway - I have grown up with Shawn's music as a backdrop, and through the years his message has always seemed to fit the different seasons and phases of my life - they just seem to emerge as I need them from any of the songs that I've already memorized (humming, whistles, and all!)and heard many times before. The profound "crush" that I had on Shawn as a teen has evolved into a deep respect and admiration for his life and world as he conveys it through lyrics and his magical way with instruments.

The death of my mother as I was entering my teenage years (I was 12), leading to a kind of "floating lost" period where I had to make sense of my world without certain anchorage or support to fall back on; an unconditional acceptance of who I was or the consequences of any decisions that I made... not to get into a tangent here, but this is the period of my life that I discovered and related so well to Shawn's music. His songs were always about someone, and generally the characters are timeless and imperfect, and, well, as Shawn told the tales, accepted by him and endured or benefitted from their plight. I always imagined his songs to have a basis in reality on some level, and I felt drawn into his private circle of heroes, lovely ladies, lonely ladies, soul searchers, etc... Ah- L'ballad, where he accepts that rejection has little to do with himself but rather some fantasy woven in the mind of the other is such a deep and accurate, and necessary realization... And I swear he could've been singing about my first husband in Whaz' Zat, "he is speeding in a vacuum going no where but of course" - and I, I actually HAD leant upon the sceptism of my chosen fate...shedding crystal tears and all -

Thankfully, I have grown and learned and appreciate all of the vagraties of life that have made me the person that I am today... while the characters aforementioned are frozen in time and immortalized for my listening pleasure... that I can transport myself again and again to wonderous places and unique perceptions and in doing so humbly recall and revel in my own frailities and strengths... AND for myriad others who have/had a need for Shawn's wisdom.

I have rocked my babies, danced with new loves, cleaned house, meditated, worked out, and surfed the net with the magic and soul of Shawn's music as a reliable constant backdrop. It makes me feel secure, and grounded. (I even had a person who was trying to "figure" me out once suspect that I knew Shawn personally and that one of his songs was about me! Flattering to the nth, but sadly & chronologically impossible ).

Does the music that we "identify" with shape us, or are we simply drawn to it because an inherent part of who we are relates to it from the beginning? Both? No matter - In my life and it's meaning there will never be an equivalent to Shawn Phillips.

As I've said - I am thrilled to be on this mailing list. It is hard even for me to believe, but I have never seen Shawn perform - Live, on TV, or anywhere... I am glad that there is now a way for me to be kept apprised of any events that will lend me this opportunity. I live in Canton, Tx now, but make several trips to SA and Austin every year. Maybe this will be the year - although I must confess that I have never had a strong need to be present at a performance or felt cheated that the times I knew where he'd be playing I wasn't able to go...

I'd like to hear of other people's discovery and enjoyment of Shawn Phillips...



Current Mood: happy
[ << Previous 20 ]
My Website   About LiveJournal.com